Modern life is full of emotional challenges. The pressure to succeed, need to “keep up,” fear of missing out and desire for good relationships and work satisfaction can all evoke volatile combinations of emotions.

However, what we learn in our society is not how to work with our emotions, but how to block and avoid them. We do it quite well: Between alcohol use, prescription drug use and screen time, there are a multitude of ways to avoid our feelings. When we do acknowledge them, we swat them away with mantras learned since childhood. (“Mind over matter,” “get a grip” and “suck it up” are familiar ones.) Thwarting emotions is not good for mental or physical health. It’s like pressing on the gas and brakes of your car at the same time, creating an internal pressure cooker.

Emotions have energy that pushes up for expression, and to tamp them down, our minds and bodies use creative tactics—including muscular constriction and holding our breath. Symptoms like anxiety and depression, which are on the rise in the U.S., can stem from the way we deal with these underlying, automatic, hard-wired survival emotions, which are biological forces that should not be ignored. When the mind thwarts the flow of emotions because they are too overwhelming or too conflicting, it puts stress on the mind and the body, creating psychological distress and symptoms. Emotional stress, like that from blocked emotions, has not only been linked to mental ills, but also to physical problems like heart disease, intestinal problems, headaches, insomnia and autoimmune disorders.

Most people are ruled by their emotions without any awareness that this is happening. But once you realize the power of emotions, simply acknowledging your own can help greatly.

Consider Frank, a patient of mine who was greatly bothered that he could not afford the kind of car he really wanted. Something as simple as Frank’s thwarted car desire triggered a mixture of sadness, anger, humiliation and anxiety. He also had physical symptoms, and although Frank had some inkling that his stomach troubles had to do with stress, he was unaware that emotions in particular were causing his intense stomach pains. Because he hadn’t paid attention to his emotions, he had no tools for what to do to feel better.

Current neuroscience suggests that the more emotions and conflicts a person experiences, the more anxiety they feel. That’s due, in part, to the vagus nerve, one of the main emotional centers of the body. It responds to emotions triggered in the mid-brain by sending signals to the heart, lungs and intestines. These signals ready the body to take appropriate and immediate action in the service of survival. The body is ready to react to perceived danger before the person is aware that an emotion has been triggered. It’s the reason why emotions aren’t under our conscious control. With Frank, for example, his eyes saw the car, and all of a sudden he felt sadness, humiliation and anger. His stomach went into an instant state of upset.

Frank’s stomach continued to hurt until, through therapy, he learned to tune into his body to recognize and separate out each emotion, name them and tend to them one at a time.

The role that emotions play in creating both physical suffering and healing is becoming a more popular focus in psychotherapy. Yet the growing field is still not part of mainstream standards of care. An education in emotions is still not mandatory in social work programs, doctoral programs in psychology and in medical schools.
Yet simply teaching people that emotions are not under conscious control would help them tremendously. Basic biology and anatomy explain that we cannot stop our emotions from being triggered, as they originate from the middle section of our brain that is not under conscious control.

However, when people are given education on emotions and skills for how to work with them, they can begin to feel better. Frank healed his stomach by allowing himself to feel sad. He mourned the loss about not getting his fancy car. He validated his angry feelings after learning they were natural. And he learned specific skills to release his anger in ways that were healthy and not destructive to himself or others. He practiced self-compassion in response to his humiliation, and that decreased, too. Once he experienced all of his feelings, they passed, as core emotions do when they are deeply felt in the body. By working with his emotions, he changed the firing pattern of his vagus nerve and healed his stomach pain.

My clients tend to avoid painful or conflicting emotions in their lives—just as most of us do, because that’s what we were taught. But to heal the mind, we need to experience the emotions that go with our stories, and those are located in the body. When we are taught about the automatic nature of emotions and learn to identify and work with the core emotions beneath our anxiety, we feel and function better.

By – Hilary Jacobs Hendel (The author of It’s Not Always Depression)

Why You Shouldn’t Suppress Your Emotions

Our (very Aussie) daily vernacular of “she’ll be right” and “no worries” makes it seem that our society rates positivity highly.

However if you’re having a rough time, suppressing negative emotions doesn’t make them disappear and is actually quite unhealthy!

Suppressing emotions is characterized by “inhibiting the outward signs of your inner feelings.”

Despite a plethora of research suggesting otherwise, professionals in high stress jobs (doctors, military, police) are often taught that emotional suppression is an effective strategy to regulate emotions. And actually, we do it quite well. Between substance use, screen time, food, shopping, sex and prescription medication; there are a host of ways to avoid our emotions.

But suppressing your emotions is creating the same internal pressure as if you were to put one foot on the accelerator and one foot simultaneously on the brake.

The Health Risks of Suppressing Your Emotions

Research has shown some alarming affects on the body and mind when emotions are suppressed. A 2013 study by the Harvard School of Public Health and the University of Rochester showed that people who ‘bottle up’ their emotions increase their risk of a premature death from any cause by more than 30% and concomitant risk of being diagnosed with cancer increasing by 70%.

So, with that being said for long-term health risks of suppressing negative emotions, what are the short-term risks?

Numerous studies have shown that ignoring emotions can lead to short-term mental and physical reactions too.  Anxiety and depression are just some of the consequences of suppressing these underlying, automatic, hard-wired survival emotions, which are biological forces that should not be ignored.

Several studies support the notion that by ignoring our emotions, we only make them stronger. For example, you may be angry at your sister and after sitting in your anger refraining from responding, you could actually be encouraging an emotional outburst. Weeks later when you’re driving and get cut off, you can experience all-out road rage, causing an accident. This emotional explosion and overreaction is your body’s way of releasing suppressed emotion.

Neuroscience has studied emotional suppression widely and has found that the more conflicts and emotions a person experiences, the more anxiety they feel. This is thanks in part to the vagus nerve – one of the major emotional centres of the body. Located in the midbrain, it responds to emotions by sending signals to the lungs, heart and intestines. In the service of survival, these signals prepare the body to take appropriate and immediate action.

How to Manage Emotions rather than Suppressing them

Typically, we manage difficult emotions in two ways: we either act them out or suppress them.

Acting out with strong emotions like anger, will probably have unintended consequences in your relationships and your work. It’s not surprising that this can then ripple around you, leading to more difficulty. But suppressing can be just as dangerous.

So, what’s the alternative? To feel our emotions in real time.

Emotions are very much like energy waves – they vary in intensity, shape and frequency. Like with most natural phenomena, they arise and pass away pretty quickly. The issue comes when we try to interrupt this process through suppressing or acting out.

How to Feel Emotions in Real Time

Feeling emotions in real time requires:

Acknowledging the emotion – recognizing internally you’re feeling a particular way is important. Sometimes it’s more complex than “I’m feeling angry”. To understand the core emotion behind how you are feeling, ask yourself: “Why am I having this reaction? Why am I acting this way?”.

Breathing – check in with yourself regularly throughout the day to check how you are feeling. Notice the pattern of your breathing and any tension you might be holding. In doing so, you can identify where your emotions are stuck in your body. Diaphragmatic breathing can help you activate your vagus nerve, which is responsible for regulating emotions. By taking deep breaths you are literally massaging the intensity of the emotions.

Practicing mindfulness – mindfulness refers to acknowledging thoughts and feelings as they arise, even if you choose not to express them immediately. For example, you may acknowledge that you are really upset or angry, but consciously deciding to take a moment before trying to explain why you’re upset. Sitting with the emotion, recognizing the physiological sensations in your body and the thoughts that arise, rather than interrupting the ‘rise and fall’ nature of emotions, ensures you aren’t suppressing them.

Sharing your feelings with someone you trust – your emotions form part of your life experience. Try using “I” statements to raise the way you are feeling. Or, keeping a journal can also help you to practice expressing emotions as they arise. While journaling may not be able to validate your distress like talking to a person can, it can help you to process difficult emotions.

Author: Tara Pisano, BA (Psych) (Hons), M Psych.

Tara Pisano is a Brisbane psychologist with a special interest in early intervention in adolescents and young adults, as this is when three quarters of mental health conditions emerge. In her practice, she draws on a range of evidence-based therapies such as CBT, DBT, IPT, ACT and Motivational Interviewing, to promote recovery and positive outcomes.